It's Not Easy Being Clean

Something happened when I moved into this tiny little home.

It appears my cleaning flair has been defeated. I'm not experiencing that "my-sinks-are-so-stinking-clean-I-can-eat-out-of-them" high anymore. Maybe because they never are. ever.
I don't follow my kids around insisting they wipe down the backs of the chairs they used and I don't freak out when a full bowl of cereal hits the floor (gasp).

We left the "mansion" because I was cleaning from the time I got up until the time I went to bed-- but then one could see a difference. I could smell the difference. I was the dirt conquerer.

But here...

There's the grease smell I can't beat.

There's the dog hair that threatens to eat my stove (and we don't have a dog).

There's the mildew growing around the tub that someone before us spared. Instead of killing it off, they chose to caulk over it-- with clear caulk. When that made for an unsettling view during bath time, they put strips of metal-looking plastic over it, so that new mildew could grow.

So I'm thinking... we're carrying this bunny hugging thing a little far, don't you think?

Until recently we were left to use natural defenses against lice over here in the UK. The I-want-to-kill-off-everything medicines available to us in the U.S. have only just begun to creep across the pond. I don't know why I should have to live with creatures that want to feast on my flesh and make me uncomfortable.
Just like I don't think I should have to share a bath with black gooey uselessness either.

I also think I should have a choice as to which critters I share living space with.
When Joe Satellite Dude came over to hook us up to our 20 channels of BBC, he informed us that he couldn't connect to the existing dish and would have to install a new one.

You want to know why?

Because a pigeon had nested in the dish. So huge new holes were drilled in a £250,000 home. To save a pooping machine.
Another mess I would have to clean.

When does this crazy green carny ride stop?

When someone shouts, "I'm gonna be sick!"

And I did. The Hubby donned his killing gear and eradicated the mildew from the bath.
The new white caulk gleams like fresh, sparkly toothpaste.

But I still don't want to clean it.
I've lost that cleaning feeling...
I guess the big question is, do I want it back?

Photo is pre-mildew murdering spree (you think I make this stuff up?)

Out Damn'd Spot, Fido, Brutus...

I couldn't take it any longer. That nagging feeling that the grease smell in my kitchen didn't belong to me.
So I did it.
I began my "toothbrush patrol", and pulled the stove out as far as I could get it (badly laid flooring). I scrubbed the sides of the stove, I scrubbed the cabinets surrounding it. I took the stove top apart and scrubbed that too (and I chose NOT to photograph the years of disgusting -- you're welcome).
As I slid my newly cleaned appliance back towards the wall, I could see some dog hair trapped underneath.

You should know that when we moved into this house, I spent over 12 hours trying to get it "clean enough" to feel comfortable moving my stuff into it. Most of the time was spent in the kitchen. Some of it was spent vacuuming dog hair out of the radiators.
I didn't have time to get the house cleaned to what I prefer to live in, but I figured I'd do that after we got settled.
It's been two months.
And apparently, the vacuum hadn't pulled all of the dog hair out from under the stove. Even having my Husband remove the glass from the stove door to pull dog hair out from between the two panes of glass, hadn't taken away the hair.

So with the stove back in place, I wrapped my gloved fingers around that hair peeking out from under the stove and pulled. and pulled. and pulled.
This is what I got.
The can of beans wasn't under my stove. It was added just to give perspective. I just hope it's potty trained.

Bringin' Home the Bacon

I bet you think I quit cleaning since we moved to a smaller house. Well, you're wrong. Cleaning around boxes is harder! So a future post will probably be on the importance of purging-downsizing-throwing your collections of crap away-- but today, just a question:

You know that lovely smell of fresh bacon on a saturday morning?

You know how that lovely smell becomes a disgusting one by afternoon?

What DO you do to get rid of it?

I've cleaned every surface and we have NO fabrics in the kitchen-- in all honesty it may not even be MY bacon I'm smelling.

How do I get rid of it?!


And for the record Kevin and Francis, I don't care how wonderful you are-- if you make my kitchen smell bad, you have to go!

Drip Drip Drop

How much do you like cleaning out the shower stall?

Do you lie in bed at night and think, “Golly, I hope I have the chance to scrub that shower tomorrow”?
Me neither. Hate it. Hate it more than I hate someone trying to convince me that sugar free chocolate tastes the same as regular chocolate.

So, I was taught a tip (from an old boyfriend’s mom and at the time I thought she was a little eccentric... hmmm, that’s something to think about now) to keep that serious cleaning job at bay and I have been doing it for 20 some-odd years.

First, and you’re not going to like this, you have to do a thorough cleaning. Use your lime/scale/mold remover-- whatever it takes and give every bit of elbow grease you have (oh, and btw, for those of you worrying about our ecological footprints-- this may not be the blog for you. I am stomping around with cleats when it comes to getting my house clean).*

Give it a good rinse. If you have hard water, you may want to swing by this site first for tips on cleaning the shower head. I promise, you are NOT going to have to do that again for a long time. (Swinging by that site is also a good idea if you have black stuff growing on your grout or sealant).

Hang a squeegee in the shower stall and train your family how to use it (squeegee all surfaces, tile or glass). My nine-year old even squeegees his shower off every time. Believe it or not, it is in a child’s programming to want to help. If you approach this task in a way that he feels he is helping, and praise him when he does it, your job becomes that much easier. My four year-old likes to wipe the base boards. A job I dreaded like the plague because I would either get sore knees or a stiff back every time. Children like to help, so work them like dogs! No Child Labor Enforcer is going to see you let them help.


In addition to imitating a window washer, wipe the faucets with a soft towel. Don’t kid yourself that you’ll come back after you get a towel from the airing cupboard. Keep one in the bathroom. Wipe the faucets and get a little buzz from the sparkle. You could let this shower go for weeks without another chemical if you just do these two steps with every shower.
Sparkling faucets give the impression of clean. And it's all about the impression...

Now, you could sit back and pop a few bonbons, but wouldn’t you rather leave the bathroom first?

Until next time!

Dust in the Wind, All we are is Gone With the Wind...

Once a week, we all need a little relaxation, don’t we?


First, pick out your favorite chick flick.
This won’t work if your husband has ripped you a copy, so get out your purchased dvd please. I like to watch things like Becoming Jane, or the new BBC version of Sense & Sensibility (just released in a cool new box set through Amazon dot com)-- movies my Hubby and boys would ruin with heavy sighs of boredom if they were around.

Next, get your dusting cloth, furniture polish, swiffer duster-- whatever you use.

Ready? Put in the dvd and while it plays the movie previews, dust like your life depends on it. Start high and work your way down. Get the cobwebs out of the corners, blow the dust off of the books. See how much you can finish before the movie starts. And, when the movie starts--

Stop.
You heard me. I don’t care if you got three shelves out of four. I don't care if you only finished half of the room. We're retraining you to not dread cleaning. Tell yourself you’ll do better next time. Think about it, if next week you know that you only have the previews to do this task, will you put it off as long? And on the bonus day when your dvd doesn't have previews-- Who Hoo! Throw a party!

Now, quit complaining about the dusty TV screen and sit down and enjoy your film.


Until next time!

It's NEW and Still in progress

Welcome to my new blog!

This is where you'll read confessions
of a Neat Freak: Bon Bon style

There are blogs out there that defend children’s rights, blogs to educate us on social injustices, blogs helping us to understand the peril the world is in and the personal blogs of journeys through life (and sometimes death).
I was floating around, enjoying some, learning from others, agreeing with a few but belonging to none. I had nothing to share. Not much to stand up for... until it hit me.
Somewhere during the last movie preview on a recently purchased dvd for the kids.

I clean.
All of the time.
It’s not because I like to...well, maybe I do get a little high from it here and there (the chemicals), but because I have to. My 5 kids could give Hurricane Hector a run for it's money.

You know that saying: “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it's still snowing”?

Well, I agree.
However, if I sit back and watch the flakes fall, pretty soon I’m buried in the drifts. And quite honestly, I’d rather shovel while it’s falling than to have to spit on myself (to figure which way is up) so that I can shovel my way out of the avalanche.

When I’m not cleaning, I like to watch shows about cleaning. My heros are Aggie and Kim, from “How Clean Is Your House?” Some of those houses they visit? I've been in worse.
Before I moved to England, it was TLC's Clean Sweep. I longed for the chance to haul out every thing I owned to sit on a tarp in front of the entire neighborhood.
Yeah, I have a problem. So....

I could just write a blog about cleaning, and how to do it quickly--but I won't.
That’s what the Fly Lady is for (I've heard great praise for the Fly Lady).

I’m going to post tips.

On cleaning.

SAH, Bon Bon-eating, Soap Opera-watching style
That IS all we SAHMs do all day, right?

It might get a little silly--so grab your bonbons, wave at the dust bunnies and get ready to tackle the job, one goofy suggestion at a time.